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Monday, September 19th 2005

8:52 PM

What to say

  • Mood: Hopeful
I wish I would have more to write.  It seems that I have been having a writers block.  I want to write, and I want to share, but I either get too busy, or  I get on here,  and nothing I write seems to be worth even the effort of typing. 

Life has been moving on, and although we still grieve, especially coming up on the one year anniversery of Eli's Birth and death, we have been growing through this.  Our Marriage is as strong as ever, even though we still are grieving differently.  We spend a lot of time together, and have been getting out and spending time with friends more.  It has felt good. 

We will never be the same  people we were before we lost Eli, but we still have our Faith in God and his love. 

There is an amazing song that is played on the radio almost daily that describes perfectly the way we have felt the past several months.  The song is called "Held" sung by Natalie Grant.  I think it was written by Christa Wells

Two months is too little. 
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
That song has been so helpful for me in working through my grief.  There was never any promise of protection from suffering -- in fact the promise in the Bible from Jesus is you WILL suffer in this life, BUT Jesus overcame this life, and gives us the hope of eternity.

9 Thought(s).

Posted by Christina:

"Held" is also one of my current favorite songs. My daughter, Sarah Hope, was born into the arms of God six years ago. She died about 2 1/2-3 weeks before she was born on September 28,1999. I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet little baby, Elijah. I will be praying for you as you journey through grief and recreating "normal" in your life. Love and Prayers to you!
Friday, October 14th 2005 @ 7:19 PM

Posted by Michele:

I stumbled on your website trying to get more information about Natalie Grant's song. I lost my twin boys Ethan and Noah on December 3rd. It hasn't even been a month and I am sifting through unfamiliar emotions on a daily basis. I struggled with my relationship with the Lord until I really listened to that song today. I guess I expected that if I had faith to move a mountain that I could speak life over them and everything would be okay. I am learning that His promise was that he would never leave me alone... something that has truly tested my faith. I know that my heart will heal, but there will always be a scar. Thank you for the website.
Friday, December 30th 2005 @ 11:02 PM

Posted by Elle:

I also found your website by searching for the lyrics to this song. I really liked the song because I thought it was pretty, and now that I look back, it seems almost as if it was pursuing me... I tried to remember it one time and couldn't, and then it came on the radio the next two times I was in the car! ...But I had no idea what the song was about, only that it was being played on a Christian radio station. I downloaded it anyway on my iTunes, then searched for the lyrics and found your website, and now I realize what it's about. And it completely astounded me. Because almost exactly eight years ago (and I absolutely cannot believe it's been that long now), I too lost my infant child. Her name was Sianna, and she was born 11 weeks early. The first line of the song floors me, too, because she lived exactly two months and two days. I just want to thank you so much for this site, because I want to be sure that I NEVER--even for a moment--forget what she and her short, precious life meant to me. This was a beautiful, although bittersweet, reminder. She was a truly sacred part of my life that will always be with me. I was sorry to see that yours happened so much more recently than mine, because I know it does still seem like yesterday to you. Just rest in God's comfort and let Him heal your pain a little bit at a time. Another song I recommend to you that has helped me through is 'Glory Baby' by the group Watermark. It was written after the couple who wrote it had a miscarriage, but I think you will find it is still very applicable. It's a very uplifting song, even though I cry nearly every time I hear it! ...Warmth and Love, from someone else who understands. o:)
Sunday, January 8th 2006 @ 9:33 AM

Posted by Angela:

Dear Stephanie,
I was also looking for the lyrics and the reason why "Held" was written. I didn't understand the song at first but when I finally heard the first verse clearly of how they only had him for two months, I couldn't believe how that song related to my family. I've lost my son Dec. 2005 to SIDS. He was one day short of two months. I feel myself weaken and having a hard time to help provide for my family as I use to and to continue with my education. I know that one day I will get through what I must and fullfill my purpose on earth just as the song "Blink of an eye" sung by Mercyme. We will all get through this and one day meet our treasures in heaven. I always thought the verse, "lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven" meant the souls of mankind. That to partake in saving the souls of others was our true reward and our true treasure. I now live my life to serve the Lord and when He tells me to come I know I will walk on the paths of gold and by the River of Water of Life with my family, my little boy, and Our Lord and Savior Jesus. My heart and prayers to you.
Love,
Angela
Sunday, March 26th 2006 @ 10:45 PM

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Friday, June 9th 2006 @ 6:14 AM

Posted by Keith:

I too found this page by looking for the songs lyrics. My prayers go out to you. Our closest friends gave birth to son who lived less than 45 minutes. My wife held him. He was so premature the hospital would not make an effort to keep him alive, knowing that he could not survive. Our friends had been trying to get pregnant for several years. On a personal note, I heard this song for sometime, but I was not personal until now. My wife of 12 years recently asked to end our marriage. To my fault, I neglected her emotionally. I just did not know how to meet her need, I failed to seek out the healing I needed to meet her emotionally needs. The line mentioning, "the sacred is torn from your life" touches what I feel right now.
Thursday, August 31st 2006 @ 1:50 AM

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