Trying to balance time with my husband and growing my marriage, and time writing has been a difficult one.  I have been failing miserably at the writing part, but I guess if one would have to suffer I would prefer to see the writing time suffer.  I do miss writing, and tonight I find myself unable to sleep and able to spend a few moments writing. 

Part of the reason for not sleeping is I am nervous.  I am heading off to Las Vegas next week, for work.  I will be going without DH and it is the first time we will be apart since Elijah's death.  I have never had issues being apart before but with this being the first time since Eli left us, it has been hitting me hard.  It is just a small part of me that is scared to leave.  I am afraid I will fall apart without him.  I know I won't, and I do have a cell phone even if I do.  It is just one of those milestones that you have to get through.  It also does not help that Mother's day is fast approaching and I am dreading that day.  It is for me a day of grief.  A day of remembering that I am a mom, but a mom to a child who is now in Jesus' arms.  I have 2 pictures that I keep close to my heart as I move toward Mother's Day without Elijah.

	This picture always reminds that Elijah is OK and he is in Heaven with Jesus
	This pictures reminds me that Elijah felt and gave love even in his short life of 7 days.

I am still amazed at how much that little life has touched mine.  In just nine months, the little seed was planted and grew.  In just nine months of life in utero he stole my heart, and seven days in my arms assured that a piece of my heart went to heaven with him. 

A baby can touch so many lives.  I see each day how much Eli has touched me and those around me.  Even those people who never got to see Elijah, get to see his love for me, and my love for him.  I will never forget my little Elijah.

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Now, I have to apologize if I do not write on a regular basis.  I will be in Las Vegas next week, but in the following weeks I hope to get a regular schedule of writing down.  I would like to write a minimum of one time a week, more if I have more to say. 

 

I completely understand your feelings about Mothers Day. Having lost my first child to miscarriage at 13 weeks, I remember very well the grief that day would bring, more so because people did not really see me as a mother at all, but in my heart and soul I knew I was. I have been fortunate enough to bear 3 more beautiful children, who in no way take the place of the one I lost, but in their own individual ways have brought me enormous joy to my life. They are my reason for being. God blessed you with 9 months in utero and 7 days to hold your son. Some day you will be reunited in heaven and I pray that you will find peace in your life and that the grief will be replaced by loving memories of Elijah. May God watch over you on your trip to Vegas, and may you feel his presence in your dark days.

I, too, suffered a miscarriage. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child you've given birth to. What a beautiful babe Elijah IS...he may not be walking the streets of Earth but he IS walking the Streets of Gold! What comfort to know someday he'll be yours again! Bless you.

I was moved by your journal...(I was blog hopping! )

I can't imagine going through what you have...I am so proud of you that you've held onto your faith throughout this ordeal; and that you're being such a WITNESS for Christ!

I personally believe Children are God's little angels! If there's any such thing as having an 'automatic ticket to heaven' they definately do!!!

I'm sure you'll be re-united with him one day.

Until then, continue to be such a strong witness...and let your light shine!

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:16(NIV)

Wow though I can't imagine what it is like to loose a child, I have watched my twin sister go through a miscarrage. Though I know that my little neice (God told me in a dream she was a girl ) Is with Jesus and she now has a little brother Benjamin .

my heart still aches for this little one I never got to hold or see .. Love In Christ
Holly Hobbie (Laura)